Precious Is NOT Glitter 2

I wasn't sure what to think when I heard Lee Daniels' film "Precious" was housing a role for Mariah Carey. My first thoughts were, "oh god, not another Glitter movie" (which I think we all can agree was phenomenal.) As I began watching the trailer with suspicion, it didn't take me long to A) Realize this was not another musky flavoured Mariah Carey movie and B) It actually looks quite good!

The film is an adaptation of a book called "Push" by Sapphire and details the life of a sixteen-year-old girl, pregnant for the second time, and growing up in an abusive household in Harlem. At first, I had a hard time accepting Mariah Carey's role as an average every social worker -- what? No jean cut off shorts and high heels? Why aren't her boobs squeezing out of a toddler sized tank top? Impossible! The thing is, her performance actually looks pretty decent! American comedienne Mo'nique also plays an amazing role as a highly abusive mother with a palette for cardiac-arrest inducing entrees (ie. refer to trailer). In addition to this, even Lenny Kravitz plays a role in the film as a nurse! I didn't see him in the trailer, but maybe his role allows him to cure patients with music...and ironically that music will make it onto the "Precious" soundtrack.

Aside from some cheesy after-school-special bits that I noticed in the trailer, I think the film is going to be good and depressing. It's really the only way I know the summer is coming. There will be enough vitamin D by then that we'll only be paralyzed by depression for only a day or so as opposed to 6 months in the winter time. Seriously, check out the trailer though. I have a feeling that this is what Beyonce was aiming for in her movie "Obsessed" but failed to realize you have to have emotion and not recycled dance moves choreographed into an ass kicking if you want to play a human being.

Check out the trailer!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuDqIHXI8jc

John and Kate plus 18 Year Old...Well...23

First, I would just like to start off by saying that I was right...I was right all along.  While TLC fans surround their flat screen monitors watching this "incredible" American family, all I could think was, "That man hates his life." In which case I am referring to Jon. Now everyone can stop living in denial and see the truth behind Jon and Kate Plus Eight...or I guess nine if you include his mistress.

Honestly, I feel bad for them, and I'm sure they love their kids and all (or at least TLC does), but in Jon's defence, it must be hard living with a woman who has an insatiable thirst for network TV stardom and hair that resembles a hostile male peacock's feathers.  What is with that spray of short hair at the back?  It also kind of reminds me of those dinosaurs with frilly necks who shoot deadly tar spit from their mouths....but instead she shoots out babies. 

Although all this controversy is unfortunate for the children, who are probably too distracted by the mountain of toys they receive on a daily basis to care anyways, I think a divorce would have really positive outcomes.  Kate will use her mediocre stardom to star and produce in her own mom-style advice show.  It will be her and a posse of helmet hair moms talking about the trials and tribulations of motherhood while her children wander around aimlessly in the background dressed in uniforms and barricaded by an invisible electric fence and bengal tigers.  Jon on the other hand will start up his own educational porn business and become a professional dolphin rider.  

This will be the most exciting divorce ever!!!!

X-Tina Gets Stanky On The Big Screen

I know this is a couple of days old already...but I simply couldn't resist. It has been confirmed that the boobly blonde singer, Christina Aguilera, will be starring in her first major film Burlesque!

The film's plot, much like most young woman's dreams, follows a smalltown girl who then fulfills her lifetime goals after joining an LA neo-burlesque club. So for anyone who thought they could get a down-payment on a car by being a doctor or a construction worker, forget about it. Dreams and careers are all based around burlesque dancing now. Especially if you're nursing a child (the more cleave the better ladies and gentlemen). In addition to this, it's being directed by Steve Antin...this will get better in a minute I swear. Not only is Steve Antin the Executive Producer and Co- Developer of Pussy Cat Dolls Presents: Girlicious, he played a preppy asshole named Troy Perkins in The Goonies! Ok, maybe it's not that interesting, but it's nice to know who's in charge of a show that has live dancing blow up sex dolls for the cast. Well done.

In any case, it's really nice to see the X-tina hasn't given up on fame and is fying for such challenging character roles, not to mention the fact that singing and dancing is involved. How will she ever pull it off? Either way, I've enjoyed watching all of her horrific transformations, but perhaps motherhood will be the most horrifying of all. Now she's got to shed that mommy exterior leading to something more disasterous...and it looks as though it has already begun.